How to Handle the Most Difficult Conversations

Have you ever dreaded a conversation with a coworker? It might be your boss, a colleague, or someone you manage. It might be someone quite senior, quite sensitive, or quite scary.

Perhaps you do what a lot of us would do in this situation - put it off. Worry. And pray - literally or figuratively. But you and I know that while this might make you feel better, none of this will actually help you HANDLE the conversation better.

I've helped people navigate these sorts of situations by better connecting to the person on the other side whether it was an upset CEO, an out-of-touch boss, or a prickly coworker.

What I've learned is that although strategies and techniques may help the conversation go better, there is one underlying shift that will help you master your fear. This is important and powerful because fear leads to suboptimal performance. You will miss cues, over or under react, and not bring the best version of yourself.

The funny thing is, although it might not feel this way, your fear has nothing to do with what the other person will say or do, or how they’ll react. So what's really going on?

KEY PRINCIPLE

When worrying about a difficult conversation, your fear is actually about how YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE what the other person will say or do, or how they will react. The fear centers around you and your reaction to their reaction and NOT their reaction.

This is a powerful principle, because while I can teach you a lot of strategies and techniques to "handle" the conversation better, it's impossible to be prepared for every possible scenario. So "yes" to preparation, but with the realization that you can never be perfectly prepared. However, what you can do, is be better prepared, from an emotional aspect, to deal with responses that take you out of your comfort zone.

Notice this has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you. Any new skill or learning or growth requires you to pass through the discomfort and pain that is the gate to improvement. Once you gain confidence that you can handle even the most challenging reaction with a calm, clear, and professional response, you need never be afraid again.

Does this mean people will always agree with you or be happy with the result? No, of course not. All it means is the better you are at handling the inevitable discomfort, the better you will be at giving your best response, thereby getting the best result possible in a given situation.

This requires nothing of the other person. It requires a lot of self-reflection, practice, and intention from you.

PLACE OF PRACTICE

The Japanese word "dojo" means a place where martial arts like Karate or my favorite, Aikido are practiced. I've recently started a community, the Everybody Thrives Academy that is designed to give our members a safe, supportive place to learn and practice BEFORE they use their new abilities in a real situation. I resisted the urge to call it a dojo because frankly, that's just playing to Asian stereotypes and I actually don't use a ton of martial arts metaphors in my coaching anyway.

If you're interested in practicing this skill and many more, like becoming a better manager of diverse teams, improving your presentation skills, mastering Executive Presence, or thriving in workplace where your advancement is still considered an anomaly, find out more here.

If you have any questions, happy to set up a brief chat to discuss. Find me at joe@connectioncounselor.com.